Wasted Continuum
The space between…

The 14th

Day and NightI have mixed feelings about Valentine’s day. In theory, it’s a great day to show someone you love them. For others, it’s just a day to remind you that you’re not in a relationship. Last year, around this time I had my heart unnecessarily stomped on by a girl who was supposed to be close to me. So last Valentine’s day just kept feeding me painful memories.

A year has passed and I’m over it, feeling better. I rarely ever think of her now since she’s completely out of my life. Today, with the world all decked out in pink and red and countless things reminding me that I should be in love, I found myself thinking again. Thinking of what I’ve lost and missed out on and all the times I’ve been beaten down by love. There were also some good memories in there too. It’s just weird. I know I’m over her and I have completely moved on. There’s no question about that. It’s just funny how a silly day can get the best of me. It’s not like I’m depressed or sad even.

My point is that sometimes I feel that Valentine’s day causes more pain and heartache than anything. It may sound pessimistic or cynical, but heck, I’m a little of both anyway. And no, I’m not one who doesn’t believe that love truly exists. I do believe in it. I’ve seen love. I’ve been in love and I have absolutely no doubt that I can find it again. The only thing that holds me back every once in a while is my negativity and lack of confidence. I am aware of my issues and I’m dealing with them.

So, for those of you who are in a relationship, I am happy for you and I wish you well. I know that sometimes being in a relationship can be just as hard as finding someone to be with. For those of you whose hearts have been broken, it’ll get better. I’ve been there. Hell, everyone’s been there. It feels like you’ve been completely hollowed out and all you want to do is lie in bed and never get up.* It will get better. I was *so *not ok for the longest time. For me, I just needed time, distance and perspective to realize that it just wasn’t meant to be and I had to just accept it. Life really sucks sometimes. To quote one of my favorite movies, *Garden State, “That’s life. If nothing else, its life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.” Finally, for those who have the battle scars and came through a little tougher and maybe a little smarter but still get bummed out when Valentine’s day is telling you that something is wrong with you because you aren’t in a relationship, don’t listen to them. Instead, do what I do, chill out, drink a dirty chai (or whatever your drink of choice is) and listen to some good music to put you in a better mood. I usually find a song that says everything I want to say, but don’t know how.

There’s one song that nails how I feel nowadays. It’s In Repair by John Mayer.

In Repair

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it’s taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new look upon me
Oh it’s taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

And now I’m walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it’s taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unready
Oh I’m never really ready, I’m never really ready
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there

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